To be stylish you must have no style

On a recent weekend I was lured into a shop by a sign so beautiful and life affirming it made my heart skip a beat. SALE. How I love those four little words. The letters were red and juicy and inviting. I felt like Snow White succumbing to the delicious red apple. Indeed a witch laid waiting inside for a willing damsel in fashion distress such as myself. Commonly referred to as a sales associate she was conjuring up some items to ‘diversify my wardrobe’. I’m no fool; she was trying to sell me clothes I would never wear. As soon as she uttered the words ‘quirky and geek chic’ I was instantly regurgitating my lunch. Images of, dirty hair, men’s oversized jumpers, brogues and satchels. Basically girls who dress like homeless boys.

The outfit in question was an oversized mans t shirt with an anorak and high waisted tweed pants with braces. Images of Agyness Deyn, La Roux and every T4 presenter ever struck me like a hot GHD to the temple. “And we have knee high socks that are so comfy with brogues. They really are the only shoe to be seen in this year.”

To someone of a lesser character that line would have converted me in a heartbeat. It’s true that brogues are everywhere and celebrities like Chloe Sevigny, Mary Kate Olsen and grungy pop tart Ke$ha are all fans. But they are also girls who sing about getting inebriated, don’t brush their hair for tv appearances and regularly look like they have been kept alive from copious amounts of MDMA washed down by red bull.

Geek chic is not in my repertoire and brogues are most certainly not in my wardrobe. And for this judgement I am cursed to be ‘unfashionable’. How odd it is to be “out” by being occasion appropriate and clean. Kirsten Stewart wore converse to award ceremonies and she is celebrated for ‘relinquishing the stuffy factor’. Isn’t the so called ‘stuffy factor’ the best part? The chance to dress up and be beautiful and radiant and fabulously female?

Even in everyday scenarios I can’t understand why personal appearance and etiquette have become so far removed from mainstream society. It is now completely acceptable to look like all your possessions are housed in a Tesco trolley. Of course not everyone is a girly girl. Some girls would rather sleep for an extra ten minutes than blow dry their hair. Some girls see no problem with wearing sunglasses in the rain, sleet or snow, and some think that the Nars multiple in orgasm is a group activity for swingers.

It takes just as much effort to brush your hair and wash your face as it does to find your wayfarers and that half broken smoke in your satchel. Sue me if I go out the door in the morning looking as best as I can that day without a hint of ‘quirk’ about me. Some celebrities should be admired for their style and some should be quarantined. If Audrey Hepburn said she washed her teeth with a “bottle of Jack” in the fifties things would have been a lot different. We’d all look like shit.